Proof Read My Essay???????
Without obstacles, people would have nothing to overcome, nothing to aspire to become, and nothing to gain approbation from. Obstacles are what gives people motivation and courage to live to the best of their ability. Throughout the years, obstacles and challenges have molded the very people that adults, teenagers, and children alike have strived to be like. When individuals mold their lives after people such as Bethany Hamilton, Lucille Ball, and Thomas Edison, they begin to realize that through obstacles, courage and inspiration give people the ability to succeed.
At the age of 13, Bethany Hamilton, a competitive surfer, was forced to reteach herself how to surf competitively with only one arm when her left arm was ripped from her body by a Tiger shark. She survived, but the traumatic accident nearly took her life. Before the accident Hamilton had competed and won many surfing competitions, but after the accident Hamilton didn’t know if she would ever be able to surf again. Instead of taking the attack as an innuendo to stop surfing, Hamilton, with determination and strength, found the inspiration that helped her continue on with her dream. Hamilton went on to become take 1st place in the NSSA National Championships, a goal she had been trying to achieve since before the shark attack. Hamilton is truly an inspiration to everyone regarding how even the greatest obstacles can be overcome.
A great american actress, Lucille Ball’s teachers attempted to expostulate her saying that she “had no future at all as a performer”, but she never let that stop her from doing what she loved. Instead of feeling down about the word of her teachers, Ball attempted to assuage her feelings through success. Ball was determined to prove her teachers wrong, in 1929 she landed work as a fashion model. Her career was thriving until she became ill with rheumatoid arthritis and was unable to work for two years. During those years, Ball tried to pursue acting again and finally landed a role in “I Love Lucy”, which ultimately proved her teachers wrong and helped her become the well-known actress that she is today. Without the obstacle of her teacher’s discouragement Ball may have never found the determination to do what she loved.
Thomas Edison failed over 2,000 times before he finally succeeding in the creation of the lightbulb. When people tried to illicit information about these failures, he responded “I didn’t fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work.” This attitude is what all people need to have when trying to overcome obstacles in their life. If Thomas Edison had given up, the United States would not be where it is today. Edison is a prime example of how without first having an obstacle to overcome you will not succeed.
Success is the goal in almost everything in life, but without obstacles to first overcome, success would not be as important. Bethany Hamilton, Lucille Ball, and Thomas Edison are some of the best examples of prevailing over obstacles and eventually becoming triumphant. Everyone should follow the examples set forth by these role models in how to conquer obstacles.
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While reading your essay I got interested deeply into the text, which is what you the writer is looking for. At no time during the course of the essay was I bored, but I do have some very constructive criticism to give you. I feel that the thesis statement needs to be worked on more and you can do this by structuring it better. The next step is to allow more transition sentences at the beginning of your paragraphs. My last and concluding criticism is to have a better developed concluding paragraph which has more details from all the body paragraphs.
I put the corrections in capitals, so you can spot it right away, I am not being snide.
H.L.L.A format or M.L.A? Don’t forget the proper heading for the chosen format assigned form your instructor.
(TITLE)
(INDENTATION)Obstacles are what gives people motivation and courage to live to the best of their ability.
Without obstacles, people would have nothing to overcome, nothing to aspire to become, and nothing to gain approbation from. When individuals mold their lives after people such as Bethany Hamilton, Lucille Ball, and Thomas Edison, they begin to realize that through obstacles, courage and inspiration give people the ability to succeed.
(INDENTATION)At the age of 13, Bethany Hamilton, a competitive surfer, was forced to reteach herself how to surf with only one arm when her left arm was decapitated(RIPPED IS HARSH WORDING FOR A FORMAL PAPER) from her body by a Tiger shark. She survived, but the traumatic accident nearly took her life. Before the accident Hamilton had competed and won many surfing competitions, but after the accident Hamilton didn’t know if she would ever be able to surf again. Instead of taking the attack as an innuendo to stop surfing, Hamilton, with determination and strength, found the inspiration that helped her continue on with her dream. Hamilton went on to become take 1st place in the NSSA National Championships, a goal she had been trying to achieve since before the shark attack. Hamilton is truly an inspiration to everyone regarding how even the greatest obstacles can be overcome.
(INDENTATION)Lucille Ball a well-known iconic American actress faced many hardships when she began her career as an actress(GIVE EXAMPLES OF HARDSHIPS)Lucille Ball’s teachers attempted to expostulate her by saying that she “had no future at all as a performer”. She never let that stop her from doing what she found to be her life passion. Ball was determined to prove her teachers wrong. Instead of feeling down (DISCOURAGED) by the word of her teachers, Ball attempted to assuage her feelings through striving for success. in 1929 she landed work as a fashion model. Her career was (CRIPPLED) for two years when was ill (DIAGNOSED) with rheumatoid arthritis. During (HER YEARS OF STRUGGLE), Ball worked hard to pursue her career finally landed a role in “I Love Lucy”. (I LOVE LUCY is a classic show that grabs generations till this very day) . (REPETITIVE SENTENCES BELOW) Lucille Ball ultimately proved her teachers wrong and helped her become the well-known actress that she is today.Without the obstacle of her teacher’s discouragement Ball may have never found the determination to do what she loved.(CHOPPY, TRY SMOOTHLY TRANSITIONING INTO THOMAS ED).
Thomas Edison failed over 2,000 times before he finally succeeding in the creation of the light bulb. When people tried to illicit information about these failures, he responded “I didn’t fail, I found 2,000 ways how not to make a light bulb; I only need to find one way to make it work.” This attitude is what all people need to have when trying to overcome obstacles in their life. If Thomas Edison had given up, the United States would not be where it is today(GIVE EXAMPLE). Edison is a prime example of how without first having an obstacle to overcome you will not succeed.
(INDENTATION)Success is the goal in almost everything in life, but without obstacles to first overcome, success would not be as important. Bethany Hamilton, Lucille Ball, and Thomas Edison are some of the best examples of prevailing over obstacles and eventually becoming triumphant. Everyone should follow the examples set forth by these role models in how to conquer obstacles. ( SHORT CONCLUSION TRY STATING A LITTLE MORE FROM INTRODUCTION).
I’d suggest you don’t use words unless you know their meaning.
Innuendo is a spoken comment. Sharks don’t speak.
Illicit means illegal, unlawful or forbidden. Was that was people were trying to do when they questioned Edison?
Expostulate is a friendly reminder. That’s not what her teachers were giving Lucille Ball. And Ball didn’t go from modelling to two years off with arthritis to her stellar spot in ‘I Love Lucy’ – there was a long apprenticeship that began with dancing in a chorus line to bit parts and eventually starring parts in movies. I Love Lucy didn’t premiere until 1951 – twenty years after she recovered from her arthritis.
You have a lot of careless errors – lack of agreement between subject and verb – for example, obstacles are what gives people….. Obstacles is plural. The verb should be ‘give’. Gives is for singular subjects.
There are far too many errors in this for me to give you line by line corrections. I suggest you sit down and go over it yourself and pick out the redundancies, along with the incorrect word usage and the agreement errors.